he wants to bone in the snuggie
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize