Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize