My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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