I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
