Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You dont lie about slip and slides
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
