I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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