when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
