Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
