she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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