I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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