I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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