Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Randomize
