You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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