Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm gonna fight the coyote
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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