I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
