Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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