I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
