dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
