This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
