I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize