Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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