When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
