I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
The cops high fived after they tackled you
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
