all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
