At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
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