ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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