dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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