Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
