direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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