Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
