It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
