It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
