She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
