every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
