it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
