That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
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ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
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She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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