he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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