I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
