I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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