My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
if only i could text you this smell
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
