3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
