My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
