Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
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From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
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You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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