Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
