U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
