I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
