I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize