my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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