this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
The struggles of a small town man whore
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
