the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
even my farts smell like vagina
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We need a shit load of segways right now
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
