I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
