Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
