she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
