He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
