I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
