you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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