Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
