Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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