Pappa wants mamma naked
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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