He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
