I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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