I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
