In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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