so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
