We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
