I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
If I die, sorry about rent.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize