Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
