we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
