I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
