Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
ttyl tear gas
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
