I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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