it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
sex in a hospital.. check
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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