he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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