Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
