you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
