you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
