I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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