i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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