can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
